Book review star ratings
Some food for thought
I’ve seen a lot of discourse on the socials over the past few weeks about reviews with a star rating. There’s talk of whether three stars count as ‘good’ (yes), and how book bloggers always give five-star reviews because they got the books for free and don’t want to annoy the publishers or they’ll not get any more free books (so very not true).
I’ve been pondering this for a while, so thought I’d take a moment to talk about star ratings, and how you might figure out how to score a book out of five.
WARNING: This post may make you hungry. I wrote it and was ravenous by the time I’d finished.
Ready? Here’s how I work out a star rating.
1 star
This book is a meal deal that you grabbed from the little garage on the motorway. When you get back to the car you find out that it’s just on its sell-by date. The sandwich is ham and ketchup on thin white bread, slightly dry at the edges and the texture and consistency of a cheaply printed paperback. The crisps are a generic, no-brand ready salted but lacking any form of actual salt, and the drink is a can of something almost entirely unlike any form of cola whilst also being uncomfortably warm and flatter than a backing singer in a high school production of Cats who only got the part because their parent is the head teacher.
Whilst it is technically food, it lacks any form of nutritional content whatsoever. You’re not recommending this to anyone, and fairly unlikely to actually finish it.
2 stars
The literary equivalent of the sausage sandwich you grab on the way to work, with the ‘do you want a coffee as well it’s only another 50p?’ drink. The sausage is slightly undercooked, they’ve put too much ketchup on it, and the cheap bread roll leaks sauce all over your hand. The coffee, despite being made in a bean-to-cup machine is pretty flavourless, leaving you wondering what the beans actually are because they’re definitely not coffee, and it’s so hot that it scalds your mouth. But at least it hides the lack of taste.
Overall it’s fine and fills a gap, but is ultimately unsatisfying and leaves you wishing you’d walked that extra five minutes to the little sandwich shop where they use freshly baked bread and sausages with actual meat content.
3 stars
A book which is like fish and chips from that place down the road which also sells pizza and kebabs. The portions are a good size, the fish is pretty tasty, but the batter is maybe just a tiny bit greasy and the chips aren’t quite as well cooked as you normally like them. The staff are friendly, but they didn’t add quite enough salt and vinegar. The cans of Coke are nicely chilled though and you got a free side order of mushy peas, which is nice.
The food is pretty good overall and if you’re in the mood for fish & chips and can’t make it down to the really good chippy down at the coast, you’d happily eat there again.
4 stars
This novel is like a pizza from your favourite Italian-run trattoria, tucked away down a side street in town. Never too busy, the service and atmosphere are great and the pizza is just the right size with a great selection of toppings. The beer is ice cold, the staff recognise you and a bowl of olives and fresh bread appears without asking as you sit.
Overall a great meal at a regular haunt. Everything is spot on, the food is hot and delicious if nothing particularly new. You’d happily recommend it to a friend if they asked where’s good to eat around here.
5 stars
The new place that you’ve heard some friends rave about. You didn’t know quite what to expect, but the waiter recommends the gyoza to start and they turn ut to be this mouth-watering concoction of beef and cheese, subtly spiced and perfectly seared, with a dipping sauce which has a flavour you can’t quite place but oh my days it’s sublime.
Followed up by a bowl of ramen where the chef has spent the last 24 hours slowly reducing the broth until it’s got the most incredible depth of flavour, then they’ve layered apparently simple ingredients into the bowl in the perfect order to build up the ramen into something which transcends the individual components. Topped off with a perfectly cooked miso egg which is just runny enough and is one of the best things you’ve ever tried.
You didn’t know that food could taste like this. Then to top it off, the chef comes over to say hi and how they love your shirt. You’re going to talk about this to EVERYONE.
I’m hugely fortunate to have read a fair few five-star books in my time as a book blogger. Partly down to the incredible word-of-mouth book tempting from fellow book enthusiasts on social media (my poor bank account), partly due to amazing book publicists and publishers who know the sort of stuff that I like.
Not all the books I read are five-star books, of course. I will happily shout about a four-star read, and if I know that you have a particular fondness for a particular author or genre, will guide you towards a three-star book.
It’s rare (but not entirely unheard of) for me to talk about a two-star book as well, and have had multiple times where the person I’ve been talking to has said oh I have to read that, has promptly gone out and bought a copy and loved it.
Similarly, my five-star ramen with the exquisite miso egg might not be to your taste. But give it a try, you might just like it.
Nice metaphor, Dave. Very well written piece
I propose the star system for rating books be replaced by this one immediately.